By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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