First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The air was thick with penises
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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