Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
