I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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