God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
