Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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