Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Two words: nipple clamps
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