im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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