Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
