I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
