So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
