I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
