my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
