I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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