dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
