omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
