i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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