dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
