I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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