So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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