what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
