do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
