we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
