There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We named our party play list daddy issues
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
