the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
