Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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