if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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