I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
