There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
