Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
