Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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