Are we in a gay sports bar?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
