he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
