The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
