We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
