I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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