today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
