I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
