just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
