And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
