it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
