I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
