he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
