I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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