i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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