vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
