he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
