First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
