I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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