I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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